TRIGGER WARNING : SUICIDE.
The click of the silver lighter breaks the silence as the flame illuminates my face while I light up the Malboro, inhaling deeply, letting the toxic fumes fill my insides as I swing my legs over the parapet.
Looking below, I see a dozen of streetlights, people looking like pin-pricks, cars whizzing by and the cold breeze weaving through my hair.
My body turns cold as I take a longer drag,
trying to find the courage to lift myself off the parapet and onto the cement pavement below.
Fear diffusing with a plunging sadness,
anguish coursing through my numb veins,
cold beads of sweat breaking out as I looked below again, stubbing out my cigarette,
to prepare for the final dive.
My phone vibrates as I fish it out of my pocket,
my mother’s face, my wallpaper ; looking back at me in frozen memory, her eyes illuminated like that of a doe and her smile so warm that could melt stones.
Her name saved with a heart,
her text telling me that she made me dinner and she was waiting for me to eat with.
If my legs gave way and I took the intended dive, would she be still waiting for me to come home and have dinner in oblivion ?
Wouldn’t she be waiting her whole life for me to come back, I asked myself as the tears fell fresh,
disappearing into the dark abyss below.
Swinging my legs back and hopping off the parapet, I lit up another.
Wait for me Amma, I inhaled the cigarette while typing.
I love you – as I pressed send.
