(just an adaptation – not in alteration to any mythology or theory).
It was at the stroke of midnight, when I shrouded my head with the end of my saree, and tiptoed through the house, as quiet as a mouse. I held in my breath as I took an undecided, hasty step as my anklets gave away my footstep, freezing to perk my ears up for any slight movement. Sensing that no one was awake, I paced slowly out of the back door where I exhaled, pulling my saree further down my head as the grass muffled my anklets. The dew of the grass shall cool the heat of my steps later, I thought as I strode down to the riverbank.
Few paces away from the riverbank were when I heard it. Soft, wavering and gently tickling my excitement further was the sound of the flute. It was like ganja to the mind, a magnet that wrapped me under invisible weaves of magic, as I stay rooted on the spot swaying slightly, drowning in the flute that enveloped the every fibre of my being. No one could hear it, only I and this was only meant for me. Trance-like, I took a step forward, my anklets chiming along with the flute like a companion. Where was mine, I searched as I found the silhouette perched atop a tree, the peacock feather seducing the salty breeze visible and the fingers wilfully letting themselves roam on the flute that was perched on his lips.
My heart was overflowing with joy as I broke into a run, laughing merrily as he stopped the flute and leaped onto the ground from above. My hands soon found themselves around him from the back, as I pressed hard into him, panting and laughing at the union I burned to achieve after days. However, he was stiff and did not turn. Scowling, I grabbed his shoulders and steered him around to demand an explanation. That was when I saw, the tear tracks on his dark skin, his brown eyes slits that explained the swollen cheeks and lips drawn in a tight line. A muscle went up his temple, as my eyes grew wide, anger abating into concern and even possibly, sadness too.
Tell me Kanna, why did I run all the way here to see you weep,I asked, my voice unnaturally high. I already felt hot tears building up at the back of my eyes to have welcomed such a sight.
Radha, I am going,said Kanna as another tear betrayed him, streaking his face and falling onto his lips.
I felt a weight drop on my stomach as my palms slackened against his chest. My tears fell as if on cue, my breathing steady. A shadow fell on his handsome face as he grasped my wrists, pleading me with his eyes.
You will be back, wouldn’t you, to take me away,I asked with a quivering tone. Even I wasn’t convinced by the very words I uttered. I already knew that it wasn’t true. Apt to the moment, Kanna sighed and his head fell as I whimpered like a wounded dog, my tears choking me.
Do me a favour Radha, and promise me that you will be the strong woman you are – I won’t be able to do this if you aren’t going to be,Kanna said, his tears falling thick and fast.
I shut my eyes and prayed every fibre that the ground would swallow me whole and that it was a bad dream. That I would wake up the next day and anticipate our stolen glances, Kanna’s sneaky touches behind the backs of the other gopi maidens, our bodies entwined under the veils of nothing but silvery moonlight as we express passion on the riverbanks of Gokul. I opened my eyes again and realised that I was still standing there with Kanna embracing me, my tears staining his shoulders as he caressed my tresses.
What am I to you Kanna,I whispered as I felt his hold stiffen at my question.
You are mine, Radha. You live in every breath I take and without you; I don’t have an identity – a cadaver I will be,said Kanna, our eyes boring into mine.
Radha, you were my goblet of honey laced with poison – I knew and yet I savoured every drop because it was worth it. A day would come where I know that I would be killed if I never stop, but I wanted you to still flow through my veins. No war, no epic would ever separate us for I am you and you are in me. I promise you with my heart, my Radha, as much as I am alive, even if Gokul deems our love as prohibited – no one can ever alter the assertion that Radha belongs to Kanna.
I have to go my love,he pressed his face against my hair, as his fingers weaved through them, knotting them tightly at the back of my head as I stood there stone cold, numb. Kanna pressed his lips on my forehead, a lingering one as he turned back and leapt off the banks, striding majestically across the grass without a look back.
I watched his silhouette against the dainty moonlight grow smaller until Kanna was gone. It was then I realised that I had been holding in my breath for so long that when I exhaled, my knees gave way and I fell onto the dewy grass, the blades grazing my exposed skin as I wept, the river tides drowning out my sobs.
I wept, and called out for Kanna again, but he didn’t come. I wept and prayed that he would come back to me this instant and tell me it’s a joke, but the void in my heart expanded with every passing moment.
Tonight, as the moon waned, she would wonder why has she swathed just a single body on the riverbanks with her silvery hue, another absent. As she comforted me, I knew that I will search for Kanna in everyone else, his name will feel like a whip brandished on my skin and I will fiercely hold on to my promise to him, a tiny sliver of hope that we would hold each other again. Kanna’s truth will burn and break me but it will set me free someday.
File Photo : Pinterest.
